April 13, 2013

Yesterday did not go how we were hoping it would go at all. The judge won't lift the TPO between Chris and Genevieve. It breaks my heart that our daughter cannot see her Daddy for over a month and a half. I'm just so worried about everything. The kids will be starting counseling this week and next week. I just hope and pray everything goes alright and that they can help our daughter and son with any issues that they are having. This has to be the toughest thing I've ever been through. It sure sucks and it also has been hard on me not having a car to drive. Dad's going to help me get my drivers license back. So hopefully things will start working out for the better. I can only do what God has for me and nothing more, nothing less.

April 11, 2013

Well tomorrow is my husbands court date and I'm so very scared about what can happen to him. I just pray that God helps him and our family through this very tough time were having right now. I'm very worried about Genevieve, she's afraid to have anyone touch her, pat her back or just reach out to her in general. I wish I could turn back time and I'd have taken what happened for her so that I don't have to see how broken my daughter has become. I started counseling on Tuesday and we have a lot to work through a whole lot. I'm scared of what the future holds for us but I know God is watching over us and will help us through everything and anything that is and can happen.

This is what I would describe as the worst week of my entire life. I made a very wrong choice in who I called on Sunday night. Instead of my mom just letting me talk to her about what happened she just decided to call the cops against my will. I told her four or five times not to do it and yes she went over my head anyways and called the sheriff on my husband.  My husband is such a nice and kind man. He has never raised a hand at me and this is a worry that I'll never ever have to worry about, because he is a true man and believes that men do not hit on women. I love and miss him so very much. I'm really mad at my mom and dad for how they are trying to run my life and I'm gonna have to stop being afraid of them, because I have to stand up for myself, my children and my husband.  I've put Chris through hell since 2007 and what man would want to stick around with everything that's happened, but not my Chris hes a fighter and loves me and is a wonderful father to my children. I truly couldn't have dreamed up a better man.  I know we both have our faults and have made some mistakes along the way but that just makes us human.  We've been fighting a lot lately and it truly is my fault. I had a manic episode and shoplifted from Target.  I regret my actions so very much as this has put so much stress on my brat. I'm so very sorry for what I did and for what I've put him through.  I just hope that he forgives me and knows that I'll never do it again and if I feel that urge I'll be sure to tell him right away.  I have to learn to talk about what's going on in my head with Chris instead of keeping myself closed off. Chris I want you to know you are one of the three most important person in my life. I love and need you so bad. God I miss you so much.